It has been two days since my cochlear implant battery holder broke.  Without it, the external device does not function, and thus, I can’t hear anything.  At first, I was upset because the device is my lifeline.  Without it, I can’t function.   I can’t communicate.  And I can’t hear nothing.   I had to miss two days of work so far, and a third day tomorrow as well.  Will I lose my job because of this?  I shouldn’t because I have a note from my audiologist explaining why.     My wife called Cochlear to order the new battery holder, and had it overnighted.  Thinking it was going to be here on Saturday, I looked it up on FedEx site, and it is not coming til Monday.  So, a whole weekend of not hearing a thing.

In the past, this would normally excite me.  With regular hearing aids, I would welcome the chance to not hear anything.   But ever since I got the cochlear implant almost five years ago, I feel like a completely different person with it.  So, this weekend feels like a lost weekend for me.  I am sitting here watching basketball and football games with no sound, and for the first time in my entire life….I HATE IT.    I feel so lost, so out of touch with the world because of it.  In short, I feel like I lost my best friend.     My wife says that I am a different person without my implant being available, and she is right.  I feel like a recluse, and that I am not a part of the world.

This makes me realize how much I love my cochlear implant.  i love what it has been able to do for me, and what I have been able to do with it.    Granted, I was able to finally get my week’s school work done, but it wasn’t that much to begin with anyways.  Since I am unable to do anything until Monday at the earliest, I have one more day to reflect on how fortunate I am to have the cochlear implant.   This device is my life, my lifeline, and that is why i call it the greatest invention ever made.

In the next coming weeks, I am working on getting a newer model.  I have had the Freedom model for five years now, and I am working on getting a newer, much better N5 model.  Reading the material associated with the N5 model is making me anxious to see when I will be able to get it.  Its lighter, smaller, and more powerful, and amazingly, its also waterproof.  I am ready for that change.

Back to hearing no sounds….again…I miss it.  I miss how the world sounds, and I am not myself when I can’t hear what is going on around me.  I feel worthless, and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.