Its been awhile since I have written on this thing, and tonight, I couldn’t sleep.  Just a lot going through my mind and the past couple weeks have been really trying for me.  In less than a month I will be getting married, and I am scared to death about it.   I am excited about it, but at the same time, am I ready for it?  I want to marry this lady more than anything, and I know I don’t deserve a love like this.    This past Sunday, my pastor Jeff spoke about deserving.  He said that he hates that word.  In a sense, so do I.   Going through my mind is this poem (also a song from Third Day) titled I Deserve?  Its on the Conspiracy Number 5 album, and I love this song.
I tasted fruit that was forbidden
I murdered trust that you had given
And now I’m living in a place that’s not my home
The pain in your heart made you regret
The moment we spoke, did you forget?
Will my transgressions bring us all to our sweet end?
Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself. I don’t know
Or is it that your mercy is much more than I deserve?
Betrayed by more than just a kiss
I did much more I must admit
Instead of letting it all end you bring new hope

I don’t deserve anything God has given me.  I accept it with an open heart, and of course fear in knowing that it can be taken away from me…..I have blessed more than ever in the past couple weeks and months not only financially but also spiritually and mentally.  My life is perfect with Tammy, and I love what is ahead of us, but I also “fear” it for I know as I said above, it can be snatch away from me.  I don’t want to lose anything God has blessed me with me, and everyday, I pray for His continued blessings.  He gives us more than we need, more than we “deserve” because He wants us happy.  But He also knows…..we must continue to praise Him no matter what happens.

What God has given, He surely can take it away.

I pray now Father, for your forgiveness, and your mercy.