deafpoet99

Bring You More Than A Song…..

deafpoet99 — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 05:39:57 +0000

I’ll bring You more than a song/For a song in itself/is not what You have required/You search much deeper within/Through the way things appear/You’re looking into my heart….

(Heart of Worship, Matt Redman)

Today I have finally got the piece that was broken fixed. Actually, it came in the mail. It is amazing how such a little piece can make a major difference in whether or not I hear. The same applies to batteries. If I don’t have batteries, I don’t hear. Simply as that. I finally went back to work tonight, and I have to tell you, I have never felt so much better. Ever since Thursday night when I discovered the broken piece, I went into a very deep funk, almost a depression. My wife even made a comment that I was a completely different person in days since.

Today, the piece (battery holder) finally came by FedEx, and when I turned it on, I have to tell you……it was like I was born again. The world came alive, and all the sounds that I was so used to hearing around my place just popped out at me. I felt like a huge burden was lifted.

Anyways, tonight at work, as I was working alone, as usual, the above verse kept popping in my head. Its from a great worship song by Matt Redman. The reason this verse kept popping in my head was because deep inside, I believe that this happened for a reason. I had taken the fact that I am able to hear for granted, and I have forgotten what it meant to me to be able to have this gift from God. God gave me this gift five years ago, and I have gotten away from giving back to Him. In the course of my work tonight, I had two conversations with two different people about hearing aids, and cochlear implants. One lady had just moved here to Yankton, and was asking me for whom to go to in order to have her own cochlear implant checked up. I gave her the audiologist that I am currently working with, and told her that she will be taken care of if she goes to her. The other family was a family that I have helped and spoke with on numerous occasions about their own experiences as a deaf family. This all happened within one hour of each other. Not long after the last encounter, the verse began popping into my head, and I caught myself singing it to myself. It made me think of how selfish I was to take for granted that I have this capability to hear with this amazing technology, and it is not to be taken lightly. God gave me this gift, and He also gave me a purpose…..to reach others and to teach others about cochlear implants and to share my amazing story concerning how He came through for me. He allowed this past weekend to happen so He search into my heart, and to see where I really was with Him.

Now I know where I am, and my faith has be restored, and I have a renewed passion for sharing and teaching others about the cochlear implants. If you can, listen to the song. Its a great way to restore your faith.

Two Days with No Sound…and I miss it….

deafpoet99 — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:02:16 +0000

It has been two days since my cochlear implant battery holder broke. Without it, the external device does not function, and thus, I can’t hear anything. At first, I was upset because the device is my lifeline. Without it, I can’t function. I can’t communicate. And I can’t hear nothing. I had to miss two days of work so far, and a third day tomorrow as well. Will I lose my job because of this? I shouldn’t because I have a note from my audiologist explaining why. My wife called Cochlear to order the new battery holder, and had it overnighted. Thinking it was going to be here on Saturday, I looked it up on FedEx site, and it is not coming til Monday. So, a whole weekend of not hearing a thing.

In the past, this would normally excite me. With regular hearing aids, I would welcome the chance to not hear anything. But ever since I got the cochlear implant almost five years ago, I feel like a completely different person with it. So, this weekend feels like a lost weekend for me. I am sitting here watching basketball and football games with no sound, and for the first time in my entire life….I HATE IT. I feel so lost, so out of touch with the world because of it. In short, I feel like I lost my best friend. My wife says that I am a different person without my implant being available, and she is right. I feel like a recluse, and that I am not a part of the world.

This makes me realize how much I love my cochlear implant. i love what it has been able to do for me, and what I have been able to do with it. Granted, I was able to finally get my week’s school work done, but it wasn’t that much to begin with anyways. Since I am unable to do anything until Monday at the earliest, I have one more day to reflect on how fortunate I am to have the cochlear implant. This device is my life, my lifeline, and that is why i call it the greatest invention ever made.

In the next coming weeks, I am working on getting a newer model. I have had the Freedom model for five years now, and I am working on getting a newer, much better N5 model. Reading the material associated with the N5 model is making me anxious to see when I will be able to get it. Its lighter, smaller, and more powerful, and amazingly, its also waterproof. I am ready for that change.

Back to hearing no sounds….again…I miss it. I miss how the world sounds, and I am not myself when I can’t hear what is going on around me. I feel worthless, and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.

Haven’t Been Writing….So…Am I Still A Poet?

deafpoet99 — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 05:29:21 +0000

It has been awhile since I have been on here. In the past four months, my life has completely been changed. Where do I begin????….For starters, I got married in June to a wonderful beautiful woman. The light of my life. The one who makes me happy….makes me smile…Ok…you get the picture.
Also, I have been so entrenched in my school (Penn State, baby!) and even though this summer I am only taking one class, Psych 200 (basically a Statistics class), that class (and its a four credit class) is kicking my behind in learning. Who knew that making a data graph and trying to interpret it was such hard work???? Plus my job is not being easy on me making me work such wacked out hours…mostly late shifts, and I don’t like that. I am not complaining….I am glad I have a job, but still….

So back to the title…..Am I still a poet? Do I still write? Sometimes…but mostly its a no to the second question. The first question I still wonder about, and just the other night, a sleepless night at that, I pulled out an old notebook, and jotted this poem down. Take a peek. Comments are welcomed : )

Do you know how long it has been
Since I have laid my words down?
I can’t even remember
But you know what they say
Once a poet — always a poet
I can’t even remember how it feels
to flow my words onto the paper
So many events to be inspired by
So much joys — so much excitement
I had gotten caught up on this thing
called life
I had simply forgotten how it feels like
To be a poet
And so I wonder — am I still a poet?

Much More Than I Deserve?

deafpoet99 — Thu, 12 May 2011 06:42:30 +0000

Its been awhile since I have written on this thing, and tonight, I couldn’t sleep. Just a lot going through my mind and the past couple weeks have been really trying for me. In less than a month I will be getting married, and I am scared to death about it. I am excited about it, but at the same time, am I ready for it? I want to marry this lady more than anything, and I know I don’t deserve a love like this. This past Sunday, my pastor Jeff spoke about deserving. He said that he hates that word. In a sense, so do I. Going through my mind is this poem (also a song from Third Day) titled I Deserve? Its on the Conspiracy Number 5 album, and I love this song.
I tasted fruit that was forbidden
I murdered trust that you had given
And now I’m living in a place that’s not my home
The pain in your heart made you regret
The moment we spoke, did you forget?
Will my transgressions bring us all to our sweet end?
Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself. I don’t know
Or is it that your mercy is much more than I deserve?
Betrayed by more than just a kiss
I did much more I must admit
Instead of letting it all end you bring new hope

I don’t deserve anything God has given me. I accept it with an open heart, and of course fear in knowing that it can be taken away from me…..I have blessed more than ever in the past couple weeks and months not only financially but also spiritually and mentally. My life is perfect with Tammy, and I love what is ahead of us, but I also “fear” it for I know as I said above, it can be snatch away from me. I don’t want to lose anything God has blessed me with me, and everyday, I pray for His continued blessings. He gives us more than we need, more than we “deserve” because He wants us happy. But He also knows…..we must continue to praise Him no matter what happens.

What God has given, He surely can take it away.

I pray now Father, for your forgiveness, and your mercy.

Second Implant Thoughts (Again)

deafpoet99 — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:37:43 +0000

Just the other day, Tammy asked me if I would like to get the second implant. I love my implant on my right ear, and early on in the process of getting that implant, I had thought about getting the second implant. But I have decided against it at the time, and just wanted to live with this implant for the time being. Now, the time has come again for me to think about getting the second implant.

I am going through the process of Social Security in the state of South Dakota, and they have asked me to take a hearing test for them to determine if I am really deaf…..Seriously??? Yes, I know. But somehow, because of the life that I live, I have been able to live a life that most hearing impaired or deaf people struggle to live. I live with my bride to be, I am working a little, and I attend classes online at PSU (Penn State). But I am deaf, and I want to “take advantage” of this as much as I can. When I told her they wanted me to take a hearing test, she brought up the notion that they might want me to get a second implant. I had completely forgotten about doing that until she mentioned it. Now…….I am wondering……….again. Should I?

Your comments would be nice, and appreciated.

Welcome to My New Blog

deafpoet99 — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:36:41 +0000

I have decided to use this account to post my cochlear implant journey. As you read them, some of the dates are going to confuse you. These blogs were written back in 2006 and 2007 when I first got the cochlear implant. I am now almost four years into having the cochlear implant, and I am loving every minute of it.

To keep you up to date, I am now living in South Dakota and I am planning a June wedding with my wonderful beautiful bride to be, Tammy Hauger. I am also a student at Penn State, taking classes online, and I am majoring in Psychology. As for what I am going to do with that degree, I am not sure at this moment. I would love to work with kids who are going through the process of getting the cochlear implant, and I also want to work with families who are thinking of getting the cochlear implant for their kids. If you have any questions about the experience please ask. I am more than willing to help anyone with the journey.

Two Years Of Hearing

deafpoet99 — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:21:13 +0000

Wow. That is all I can really say after two years of having this cochlear implant. The past two years have brought so many life changing events, and so many new and wonderful experiences. I have tried to write a poem that captures everything about the great things that have happened to me, but I am, for the first time, unable to really capture what I really want to say.

From talking on the phone with my family, to hearing new voices, and new sounds, I am in still in amazement at the technology and everything that has been available to me. My self confidence is soaring, and my shyness has somehow dissappeared………….not all the way, but in most cases. I am not the same person I was before, and I am still learning new sounds, and having new experiences in this continued journey. I have gotten into my comfort zone, but every day there seems to be something new and exciting happening to me as far as sounds go. I am hearing new voices almost everyday, and I am learning new sounds. Its the greatest blessing I could ever have. Thank you, Jesus for this.

The best experience in year two was my trip to Michigan. I was able to take a walking tour on a trail, and I was able to hear so many sounds………..especially the sounds of a raging water brook, and waters rushing through a stream. The sounds of nature, and the sounds of the forest were so beautiful to me. I was just in shock as to how beautiful it sounds. Nature as nature intended. I also took a boat tour around one of the Great Lakes, and it was just beautiful. Out in the middle of the lake, with just the water sounds……..so comforting and so at peace. That is why I hope to be able to go back as soon as I can. It was the best weekend I ever had.

My nieces stayed with me in my place for a week, and to hear them as they sleep, especially Abigail in her crib……..so peaceful, and so wonderful. Made my heart sink when I woke up one day, and they weren’t there in my place anymore.

My brother’s wedding in Vegas was a treat in itself. Walking through the casino, through the crowds, and being able to carry a conversation with my family…..hearing only them, and no one else…..made the trip all the more enjoyable. (That me with my mom, James, and my dad in the picture above.) Flying with the implant is a treat as well. I can’t go through metal detectors, so that was something I had to endure. Not fun to have to be hand pat down, but it was worth it. I had a great time.

One Year

deafpoet99 — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:20:30 +0000

i cannot believe it has been one year since I have gotten the cochlear implant. I have been able to do so many things and experience so many things, I do not know where to begin. In the past year, I have gone through so much, its hard to put down into words what I am thinking, and what I experienced. Keep in mind that I was hearing things for the first time, and that I was going through emotional periods of adjustments, and of trying to figure out what and where things were coming from.

My greatest experiences (in order).

1. Hearing my mother’s voice, my sister’s voice, my brother’s voice, and my nieces voices. The day that I heard them for the first time was raining, and it was cold those days.

2. Telling my mother to quit yelling at me. She said that she was not used to me having “this thing.”

3	Third Day Concert. Fourth Row. Greatest show I have been to. I was able to hear the music, and understand what was being said.

4. Pirates Game with Sandy Wilson. It was actually my second game, but the first one was rained out. Sandy and I sat right behind first base, and we got to the park a little early, so I could take it all in. Sitting there, and hearing all the sounds of the park inspired the poem, “Music Of The Ballpark” and made me fall in love with baseball all over again.

AFC Playoff Game (Steelers Vs Jaguars) with my brother. This was actually my second trip to Heinz Field with the implant, but the first one took place right after my turn on date, so it was still new. This time around, being used to the sounds, I was able to actually enjoy the game, and all the Steeler Manics that were all around us. It was a wet game, a Steeler lost, but it was still an awesome experience.

6. The Mike Duncan Project opening up for Aaron Shust. Being first row allowed me to get fully adjusted to the sounds, and it was a great concert put forth by my buddy, Mike.

7. Talking on the phone. I don’t have to explain this one to you. Just being able to talk on the phone to various people, and not be dependant on others to make the calls for me…….huge breakthrough for me.

There you have it. I have a lot more experiences to share, but they will all be told in my next book, which I am currently working on right now.

Some Things I Am Still Wanting To Happen (in no order)

Visit To Tullahoma to hear my friend’s voices

A walk through the forest

A night out in the forest

Nine Months Later

deafpoet99 — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:19:12 +0000

My greatest experience with the cochlear implants occured on May 2nd. I was four rows from my all time favorite band. I was so anxious to see and feel how it was going to sound like. Coming nine months after the initial hook up date, I had gotten into my comfort zone with the implants, and things are starting to jell all together for me.

Third Day came out and opened with “King Of Glory, ” and as soon as I heard the song begin, I knew what song it was. They played a lot of my favorites, such as “Your Love, Oh Lord,” “Come On Back To Me,” “Rockstar,” and “I Have Always Loved You.” Then, towards the end, I began to wonder if I would have had the same experience with my hearing aids. As soon as I thought about that, the band began to play “God Of Wonders,” and I knew it wouldn’t have been the same.

This was the greatest experience by far…….until the moment I will be able to hear her voice.

In the past nine months, I have experienced so much more than I ever thought possible. Words alone cannot expressed what this has done for me, and how much it has completely changed who I am. For those who have not yet talked to me with the cochlear implant, you will be very surprised at who I have become.

It is the second greatest thing I have ever done in my life.

Nine

Christmas Miracle

deafpoet99 — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:17:04 +0000

It was just a normal Christmas day, with everyone in the house, and the little kids playing on their new games on the Playstation, and me and my aunt Julie hanging out, just talking. She brought up some points about how I have been changed, and how things are different now with me being more involved in things, especially conversational wise.

Then the phone rang. It was my brother finally calling after being home from Iraq. He was in Mississippi with some friends of his for Christmas, and I was wondering if he was going to call me to let me know he made it home. He called, and after my grandmother gave me the phone, he just kept going on and on about how he was FINALLY able to talk to me on the phone. That was the only thing he was talking about. I was trying to get some information about his impending visit to here, but he couldn’t speak anymore on the phone.

He was in tears, calling it his CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

It really is a miracle for me. I am more and more thankful everyday for the cochlear implant, and the change on my life.